Automatic Negative Thoughts:Understanding the Thoughts That Hold Us Back

Have you ever had a thought pop into your head before you've had time to question it?

“I've completely messed this up.”

“They're probably annoyed with me.”

“I should be doing better.”

“Something is going to go wrong.”

These thoughts can appear so quickly that we barely notice them.

They can feel like facts rather than thoughts, influencing how we feel, how we behave

and the way we see ourselves.

These are sometimes referred to as Automatic Negative Thoughts, or ANTs.

Everyone experiences unhelpful thoughts from time to time. The difficulty can come

when we begin to believe them without stopping to consider whether they are actually

accurate.

A thought can feel convincing without being true.

What are Automatic Negative Thoughts?

Automatic negative thoughts are quick thoughts or interpretations that arise without us

deliberately choosing them.

They can be influenced by anxiety, past experiences, beliefs about ourselves and

patterns we've developed over time.

Often, they happen so quickly that we don't even recognise them as thoughts.

We simply notice how they make us feel.

For example:

You send someone a message.

They don't reply for several hours.

Your mind immediately says:

“I've upset them.”

You might then feel anxious.

You might check your phone repeatedly.

You might send another message.

But there could be many other explanations.

They're busy.

Their phone is off.

They haven't seen the message.

They're dealing with something of their own.

The original thought wasn't necessarily a fact.

It was an interpretation.

Common types of automatic negative thoughts

There are several patterns of thinking that can make difficult situations feel even harder.

Mind-reading

Assuming you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.

“They think I'm boring.”

“She doesn't really want me there.”

“They must be disappointed in me.”

The problem is that we can't actually know what another person is thinking unless they

tell us.

Catastrophising

Immediately imagining the worst possible outcome.

“If I make a mistake at work, I'll lose my job.”

“If they don't call me back, something terrible must have happened.”

“This is going to ruin everything.”

When we're anxious, the mind can jump straight from a small possibility to the most

frightening conclusion.

All-or-nothing thinking

Seeing things in extremes.

“If I haven't done it perfectly, I've failed.”

“I'm either successful or I'm useless.”

“If this relationship isn't perfect, it must be wrong.”

Life is rarely quite that black and white.

There is usually a lot of space between perfect and failure.

Should statements

Using words such as should, must and ought to place pressure on ourselves.

“I should be coping better.”

“I shouldn't feel like this.”

“I must get everything done today.”

These thoughts can create another layer of guilt on top of whatever we're already

experiencing.

Overgeneralising

Taking one experience and turning it into a much bigger conclusion.

“I always get things wrong.”

“Nobody ever listens to me.”

“Things never work out for me.”

One difficult experience doesn't necessarily predict every future experience.

Labelling yourself

Turning something you've done into a judgement about who you are.

Instead of:

“I made a mistake.”

The thought becomes:

“I'm an idiot.”

Instead of:

“That conversation didn't go well.”

It becomes:

“I'm terrible at relationships.”

There's a significant difference between making a mistake and deciding that the mistake

defines you.

Why do these thoughts feel so believable?

Automatic thoughts can feel convincing because they often arrive quickly and connect

with emotions we already recognise.

If you've spent years worrying about disappointing people, for example, the thought

“They're angry with me” may appear almost instantly.

You may not stop to question it.

You simply believe it and respond accordingly.

Past experiences can shape the way we interpret what is happening now.

This doesn't mean your thoughts are your fault.

And it doesn't mean you can simply choose to “think positively”.

The first step is often much smaller:

Notice the thought.

Try creating a pause

When you notice a thought that is making you anxious, upset or critical of yourself, try

pausing before accepting it as fact.

You might ask:

What am I telling myself right now?

Then:

Is this definitely true?

What evidence do I have?

Could there be another explanation?

Would I speak to someone I care about in this way?

What would I say to myself if I approached this with a little more

compassion?

You don't need to replace a negative thought with an unrealistically positive one.

Instead of:

“Everything is going to be fine.”

You might try:

“I don't know what is going to happen yet.”

Instead of:

“I'm completely useless.”

Try:

“I've made a mistake, but that doesn't mean I'm useless.”

Instead of:

“They must be angry with me.”

Try:

“I don't actually know what they're thinking.”

The aim isn't positive thinking.

It's more balanced thinking.

A simple way to work with ANTs

When a difficult thought appears, try writing down three things:

1. The thought

What went through your mind?

“I've disappointed everyone.”

2. The evidence

What evidence supports the thought?

What evidence doesn't?

Perhaps one person seemed disappointed, but everyone else was completely

understanding.

3. A more balanced response

What might you say if you looked at the situation with a little more perspective?

“I can't make everyone happy all of the time. Someone being disappointed doesn't mean

I've done something wrong.”

This doesn't make the original feeling disappear instantly.

It simply creates some space between what you think and what you know.

Be curious rather than critical

It's easy to become frustrated with ourselves when we notice negative thinking.

You might think:

“Why am I always like this?”

But criticising yourself for having difficult thoughts can simply create another negative

thought.

Try curiosity instead.

“That's interesting. I noticed my mind went straight to the worst-case scenario.”

“I notice I'm assuming I know what they're thinking.”

“I seem to be putting a lot of pressure on myself here.”

You don't have to argue with every thought.

Sometimes simply noticing it is enough to begin changing your relationship with it.

You are not your thoughts

Perhaps one of the most important things to remember is that having a thought doesn't

make it true.

And having an unhelpful thought doesn't say anything about your character.

Our minds produce thoughts all day long.

Some are useful.

Some are repetitive.

Some are anxious.

Some are critical.

Some are simply strange.

You don't have to believe every thought that appears.

You can notice a thought without becoming it.

If negative thinking is affecting your life

Sometimes automatic negative thoughts become so familiar that we barely notice them.

They can influence relationships, confidence, decision-making and the way we respond to

everyday situations.

If you find yourself constantly overthinking, assuming the worst, criticising yourself or

worrying about what other people think, counselling can provide a space to explore

what's underneath those patterns.

Together, we can begin to understand where these ways of thinking may have come

from and consider different ways of responding to them.

I offer counselling and psychotherapy in Blackheath, Sevenoaks and online, providing a

warm, confidential space where you can explore what is happening for you without

judgement.

I currently have new availability in Blackheath on Tuesdays and Fridays, with more

limited availability in Sevenoaks.

If you're considering counselling, you're welcome to book a free introductory call. You

can ask questions, talk about what you're experiencing and get a sense of whether

working together feels right for you.

You don't have to believe every thought your mind gives you.

Sometimes the first step is simply learning to pause and ask:

“Is there another way of looking at this?”